bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
