I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
40s are totally the cure
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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