Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
