All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
