where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
