Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I looked at my own cervix.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
