Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
