literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
