i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
