So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
