who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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