Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
