I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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