I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
