My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
