WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
