just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
