Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
