I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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