I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
