I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
