At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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