Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
