I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
