I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
