I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
