I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
