Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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