you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
