and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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