You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
