I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
