Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
