Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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