Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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