I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
