Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
