just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
