Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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