I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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