apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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