WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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