I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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