If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
