He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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