I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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