I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
