i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
