when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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