please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
