I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
