Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
